love

'I love you, you're perfect. Now let me change everything about you' Why are humans so?
Interesting question and one I think I have an answer too.....I don't think that people go into a relationship wanting to change their partner - it's that once in one, they realize that this person isn't what they thought and rather than admit to being wrong - they try to change said partner to suit their own expectations.

The questions now is: Why do humans enter into relationships with people they want to change? That's easier to answer then you think. Most humans don't - only a truly selfish, calculating and manipulative person would do this (and if you know any like this - run away!) I have observed that the whole 'love is blind' thing is true - it has to do with pheromones and a hyper awareness of being with a new love interest. Since these emotions are pleasurable it's easier to overlook a potential partners 'flaws' and 'go with it' rather than realizing the truth of a miss-match and feeling let-down (or letting the other person down- expectations can be hell to live with). It takes far more courage to break it off with an ill-suited match then anyone gives credit for.

Now we have to ask: Why do humans choose to stay in unfulfilled relationships like this? FEAR - fear of being alone, unwanted, and left-out. This fear drives abused women to stay with the men who beat them, young women to marry men 20 years older than themselves (and vice versa), and couples to stay married 'for the sake of the children'. Fear of missing out on the chance that it could work.So.....Why can't humans accept people for who they are rather than trying to change them to suit? (See the above) Because of the myth that one is supposed 'know' when it's 'true love' and humans hate to be wrong; it takes time and effort to grow a relationship and many feel foolish to have spent all this time on nothing (which is idiocy- it's more foolish to stay with someone you can't love/accept as they are). We as a race always look to the future, which makes sense, one must plan to have a job and home to live in once one grows up - this requires schooling, loans and budgeting. For those who know they want children before they meet a potential partner, planning for a career and the ability to buy a home or at least support a child becomes paramount (unless 'living in the moment' is what gave one a child - in which case all bets are off). Being wrong after all those promises and planning is a huge let-down, one that humans will go to great lengths to avoid (denial anyone?).

In my experience acceptance of another person comes with the ability to see yourself and them in the here and now. NOT the 'when she's done school, we will be ...' or 'when he inherits...' or 'once she catches a break...'. Dreams are a beautiful thing to believe in, but reality is what governs day-to-day life (sounds cold, but then look at the divorce rate worldwide). Dreams and expectations tend to go hand-in-hand, and promises/plans become the future. Who wants a partner that clearly states: "I will never rise above being a cashier at the grocery store" or "I'll always be an office lackey" or "I'll always be fighting with my weight and lazy with no real intention of ever taking care of myself" or "I will always be chasing 'the dream' but never achieve it" (granted the 'grocery clerk' could be a happy and contented soul who is kind, generous and sweet natured and the 'office lackey' could be a marathoner who loves to travel, and doesn't want to responsibility/limitations/stress of being CEO).

What humans need to ask themselves is this: Will I be happy with this person if they stay as they are right now, in this situation - for the rest of their life? People do and can change it's true, having a partner who loves you can be inspirational, but at the end of the day one usually reverts back to 'automatic behaviours' (we can't help it, it's programmed into our psyche from childhood - not an excuse, just a fact). So could you love the person you are with (or wanting to be with) if they never changed? I suspect that many people would say no - then give a list of reasons (excuses) for why they will stay regardless - then spend years driving each other mad with disapproval, rejection and disappointment.

Humans admire the ones who take risks and lead, media promotes this, so 'being content as you are, where you are' isn't always acceptable (sad but true) and breaking it off with someone when you realize you can't accept them is critiqued and ridiculed. (I look at my life and wonder why anyone would accept me as I am now - my life is a mess of half-finished projects, scattered dreams and debt- who the heck wants that?) I believe that only those who are willing to really see themselves (whether disappointing or not) are the ones who can accept others as they are for who they are in the here and now.
Of course the universe is tricky and unpredictable - the only constant in the universe is change...lol..how's that for a curve ball?! Life is a messy chaotic thing that grows and fluxes....maybe the trick is knowing how to ride the waves of change and thrive in chaos - that's the one part of life I have mastered.
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let the consumerist mayhem begin?

December 1st. I look forward to and dread this time of year. I've never been big on the whole 'it's a holy day' thing - and honestly if you do even the smallest bit of research you'll realise that much of what we 'believe to be true' isn't historically accurate - after all it's the winners who write history.

What I have always enjoyed is the snowfall, the warmth of a fire, the anticipation of getting/giving and the food. Not that I'm particularly greedy, but it is exciting knowing that someone you love found something special just for you. My mom is the champion of gift givers - she is amazing at finding that odd little thing that someone will adore and treasure - thankfully I have inherited this trait. It's never very big, or expensive, but always thoughtful and fitting. The kind of gift that one says 'oooh I saw that, but didn't buy it' or 'I was just looking for something like this'.

Some say that giving gifts is selfish because it's all about the glory of the giver being so freaking clever or spending lots of money and expecting something back (I have one of this type at home - he also never ever lets you forget which gift he gave you). I disagree with this. When I buy a gift for someone - it's for them, about them and their likes - it has very little to do with me other than that I saw the thing. (toys are a different story - that's just greedy gimmie gimmie as most children don't learn to gift until they are older). Obviously I'm happy if they like it (and being right about their liking it is cool too), but that is secondary. You don't show someone that you appreciate, love, and respect who they are by buying them things you'd like to have.....and if you do - than shame on you.

The things that keep me going.....

spontaneous 'I love yous' from my daughter

love notes written on the bathroom mirror

text messages telling me how much I'm missed

finding a new book from my favourite author

knowing I found the perfect gift for someone

a teen giving his seat to an old woman on the bus

a genuine 'have a good day' from a clerk

a hot cup of tea on a cold morning

a rainbow on a rainy, cloudy day

Let's all look the other way?!?!

Why isn't anyone else as frightened about this as I am? Why aren't we all up in arms demanding changes be made NOW? Read this and tell you aren't the lest bit concerned, not even a little...
State of the Planet in Graphics - BBC World News

I've been watching a lot of Rick Mercer and George Stroumboulopoulos and they both have asked this question of their viewers...Dr. David Suzuki was on with George recently and he asked the same thing. Why? Are we all hoping it will fix itself? or that 'someone' will come up with the answer to 'it all'?
One Million Acts of Green - George Stroumboulopoulos

David Susuki's Nature Challenge

Spread the Net.org

Maybe this is why we all love comic book heros so much - it would be lovely to believe there was 'someone' with amazing super powers 'who could sweep down and save humanity from itself' - Nice thought, very comforting and it would certainly let us all of the hook.

Reality is very different however, and no matter how many stars or TV shows tell us 'we' need to help fix things no one I know seems to really care. I've asked, I've sent out this repeort and 3 others exactly like it to all my friends asking - "what can we do?" I only 2 replies...both of whom said - gee this is very interesting, thanks....didn't read the whole thing, no time, but you're right 'someone should do something'.

If it weren't for the fact that I have a child who is already planning on having children of her own one day - I might not care either....but I do. I am trying to do my part, but it's hard to keep going when your neighbours so obviously don't give a crap.

Tales of Horror - Dating and the Single Mom.....

Many of my friends are single moms, and many of my male friends are single..lol so naturally I get asked "what are the 'rules' for dating a single mom?". Why they think I know the answer I haven't a clue - my dating life has been one disaster after another, and sex is...well usually unattainable - unfortunately. After being asked one time to many I decided to write up some 'rules' and send them out for discussion - we (the single moms) decided that this is as close as it gets to the truth of it - a bit blunt and maybe too honest, but still.....

MYTH - All single moms want a 'new' daddy. Nope- many of us have NO desire to go that route again without very careful consideration..All most of us want is a casual … 'relationship' with someone who is too busy for anything full-time – there's no need romance, we haven't the time for ooyee-gooey crap, and we don't expect dinner out every freaking night. (Sounds great right? Apparently I'm wrong)

TIME - A single mother HAS to arrange a babysitter and needs a bit of notice before going out! More than 3 days at least!

MONEY -Why is it difficult to understand that we are…well…of little income – hello? SINGLE MOM – so no we can't afford to go to Cin Cin or Joe Fortes – not my fault, 60% of single mothers live near or below the poverty line –get over it.

GOLDEN RULE- My daughter lives with me, so no you can't come over afterwards- sorry. Tried it – disastrous.

OBVIOUS - We can't drink martinis all night – not even on Friday – we need to get up with our child / children at 7:30 am on Saturday morning, whether we want to or not – and if we are sleeping over we still have to go home at some point, hangovers are a luxury our child/children can't afford!

ATTACHMENT- Kids get attached to people, especially ones who make mommy happy. To keep said child safe from a broken heart after their new 'friend' is gone please understand that we have no intention of introducing said 'guy' to our child/children unless we feel strongly about him AFTER a period of 6 months.

PRIORITIES- Our children come first. In the middle of a date, in the middle of the night, it doesn't matter. We will leave you to go to them. Might not be fair, but that's the way it is - and would you respect us as mothers if it were any other way? As I had to say to one date - "Duh, she's my baby, not 'ours'- mine...of course she's first!!"

ACK!!

I'm not afraid to admit it - I am SCARED!! Everything I read, or see / hear on the news about the world has negative connotations.... The environment is going to hell in a hand basket, the economy seems to be following gleefully along with it, and humans keep pretending all is well. Wars and genocide abound....human trafficking, sexual slavery, pedophiles travelling to 3rd world country so they CAN abuse?!?! Every day you can find at least one story about some stupid fu*&ing kid who got shot due to 'gang related' issues....WTF is wrong with this picture??

Regardless of whether or not you personally agree with the idea of 'Global Warming', even a five year old can tell you that throwing garbage in the ocean and cutting the down the trees is a bad idea. And whether or not it's personally YOUR fault - we should ALL being doing something about it. Why do so many people assume that it's 'some one else's' job to clean it all up?!

And yes I know there are many groups out there and many individuals who do take responsibility for their own mess - but many do not - and my question is then - why do you even need to be told?!? Its obvious to a child that keeping your room clean means you can easily find your toys and you will stay out of trouble with your parents - simple right?? So why doesn't it also occur that keeping your environment clean is also a good idea??

As for the economy - well DUH!! all you have to do is go out to a 'trendy bar' and you will see all the pathetic superficial idiots who must have the newest everything, the best of the most expensive...etc..how long did you think you could keep putting yourself into debt and living off your credit cards all in the name of looking better or having more than other people?! What kind of simpleton are you that you are so insecure in yourself that you won't feel lovable unless you have all the 'right' clothes and 'stuff'?! This is the reason why I monitor my daughters tv viewing...I refuse to allow her to be turned into the same mindless 'have to have it' creatures that frequent Holt Renfrew.... and to respond to those idiots - no I am not poor, nor am I ugly or fat - I just don't give a shit what others think, my theory is that if my 'brand' is more important to you than my mind or my personality - than you are not someone I would spend time with - so I don't care what you think.
WAR - as long as there are humans, there will be war....only in my dreams do I see an end to this.

What to do with all the ones who delight in human suffering? hmmmmm I have an idea - 'general population' sounds like a perfect solution to me, either that or we should all be a little more like Dexter (he really is my hero).

Gangs - well I've come to believe that fast cars, street racing, drugs, guns and gangs are the 'new' natural selection for the evolution of humanity. I'm guessing that Mother Nature wants to speed up the process of riding herself of the infestation of humanity that plagues her and is offering inspiriation to those who invent such things...