love

'I love you, you're perfect. Now let me change everything about you' Why are humans so?
Interesting question and one I think I have an answer too.....I don't think that people go into a relationship wanting to change their partner - it's that once in one, they realize that this person isn't what they thought and rather than admit to being wrong - they try to change said partner to suit their own expectations.

The questions now is: Why do humans enter into relationships with people they want to change? That's easier to answer then you think. Most humans don't - only a truly selfish, calculating and manipulative person would do this (and if you know any like this - run away!) I have observed that the whole 'love is blind' thing is true - it has to do with pheromones and a hyper awareness of being with a new love interest. Since these emotions are pleasurable it's easier to overlook a potential partners 'flaws' and 'go with it' rather than realizing the truth of a miss-match and feeling let-down (or letting the other person down- expectations can be hell to live with). It takes far more courage to break it off with an ill-suited match then anyone gives credit for.

Now we have to ask: Why do humans choose to stay in unfulfilled relationships like this? FEAR - fear of being alone, unwanted, and left-out. This fear drives abused women to stay with the men who beat them, young women to marry men 20 years older than themselves (and vice versa), and couples to stay married 'for the sake of the children'. Fear of missing out on the chance that it could work.So.....Why can't humans accept people for who they are rather than trying to change them to suit? (See the above) Because of the myth that one is supposed 'know' when it's 'true love' and humans hate to be wrong; it takes time and effort to grow a relationship and many feel foolish to have spent all this time on nothing (which is idiocy- it's more foolish to stay with someone you can't love/accept as they are). We as a race always look to the future, which makes sense, one must plan to have a job and home to live in once one grows up - this requires schooling, loans and budgeting. For those who know they want children before they meet a potential partner, planning for a career and the ability to buy a home or at least support a child becomes paramount (unless 'living in the moment' is what gave one a child - in which case all bets are off). Being wrong after all those promises and planning is a huge let-down, one that humans will go to great lengths to avoid (denial anyone?).

In my experience acceptance of another person comes with the ability to see yourself and them in the here and now. NOT the 'when she's done school, we will be ...' or 'when he inherits...' or 'once she catches a break...'. Dreams are a beautiful thing to believe in, but reality is what governs day-to-day life (sounds cold, but then look at the divorce rate worldwide). Dreams and expectations tend to go hand-in-hand, and promises/plans become the future. Who wants a partner that clearly states: "I will never rise above being a cashier at the grocery store" or "I'll always be an office lackey" or "I'll always be fighting with my weight and lazy with no real intention of ever taking care of myself" or "I will always be chasing 'the dream' but never achieve it" (granted the 'grocery clerk' could be a happy and contented soul who is kind, generous and sweet natured and the 'office lackey' could be a marathoner who loves to travel, and doesn't want to responsibility/limitations/stress of being CEO).

What humans need to ask themselves is this: Will I be happy with this person if they stay as they are right now, in this situation - for the rest of their life? People do and can change it's true, having a partner who loves you can be inspirational, but at the end of the day one usually reverts back to 'automatic behaviours' (we can't help it, it's programmed into our psyche from childhood - not an excuse, just a fact). So could you love the person you are with (or wanting to be with) if they never changed? I suspect that many people would say no - then give a list of reasons (excuses) for why they will stay regardless - then spend years driving each other mad with disapproval, rejection and disappointment.

Humans admire the ones who take risks and lead, media promotes this, so 'being content as you are, where you are' isn't always acceptable (sad but true) and breaking it off with someone when you realize you can't accept them is critiqued and ridiculed. (I look at my life and wonder why anyone would accept me as I am now - my life is a mess of half-finished projects, scattered dreams and debt- who the heck wants that?) I believe that only those who are willing to really see themselves (whether disappointing or not) are the ones who can accept others as they are for who they are in the here and now.
Of course the universe is tricky and unpredictable - the only constant in the universe is change...lol..how's that for a curve ball?! Life is a messy chaotic thing that grows and fluxes....maybe the trick is knowing how to ride the waves of change and thrive in chaos - that's the one part of life I have mastered.
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